"Middle children have remarkable diplomatic skills."

-The Secret Power of Middle Children, by Catherine Salmon

Monday, December 19, 2011

Random, but hilarious. Eli's blog is funny!

 Maybe it was the mood I was in but I sat in my office reading this post, by myself, laughing out loud. This is what could happen if you mis-text someone. Then I shared it with my hubby, who has the same sense of humor that I have and I laughed all over again, till there were tears running down my cheeks!

Unknown:
Hey Amanda! This is Jane. I was thinking for Beth's wedding gift we could go halfsies on one of those blocks of wood that says words like faith and hope that they could put on a mantle or hang on the wall. What do you think?
Eli:
Hmmm . . . I saw couples snuggies at K-Mart the other day on sale for 9.99 and I think this is probably more of what she's looking for. It's more practical.
Unknown:
Lol! That's what I got them for their birthdays! But seriously, what do you think about the wood block idea?
Eli:
Ok . . . I know for a fact you didn't get them snuggies for their birthdays because I talked to Beth recently and asked her which kind she would want if she got one as a wedding gift and she didn't say anything about already having one . . .
Unknown:
Oh Amanda, I was just joking. Sorry. :( Tell me more about your snuggie idea?
Eli:
I'm confused . . . what was the joke?
Unknown:
Oh, a lot of people joke about snuggies. But I know a lot of people like them and I just thought maybe you were joking. I don't know you very well, obviously, so I don't know your sense of humor.
Eli:
Well obviously I don't think we should get them leopard print. I was thinking the classy kitten snuggies with their names embroidered onto them and a phrase like "1+1=furrrever."
Unknown:
1+1=furrever? Do you mean 2+2?
Eli:
2? Are they each 2 people? Why would it be 2+2?
Unknown:
1+1 equals 2, not 4. So the number "furrrever" doesn't really make sense with 1+1. Also, I don't think Beth likes cat stuff . . .
Eli:
Furrrever isn't a number . . . And Beth doesn't like cats but I'm pretty sure she likes cat stuff. I get her t-shirts with kittens on them for every birthday and she always says she loves them and that she wears them on vacations and stuff.
Unknown:
I bet she likes them just fine. I guess I just assumed she didn't like cat stuff since she doesn't like cats . . . But maybe she would like them. Or we could think of other options . . .
Eli:
I can tell you don't like the snuggie idea so let's just bag it.
Unknown:
I'm willing to consider it of course! But, are you at all interested in my block word idea? We could get those really cute ones that are painted different colors and just have a whole bunch they could put around their house.
Eli:
Here, let me text you a picture of my snuggie so you can get a better idea.


Eli: ( there is a hilarious picture of Eli wrapped in a snuggy, holding a teapot with a 'Venetian' mask on)


Unknown: (2 hours later)
Honestly Amanda, I'm not crazy about the snuggie idea. If you want to do that, that's cool but I'll probably just do my own thing. Is that ok?
Eli:
Is it because of the picture? Obviously the Venetian mask and tea kettle wouldn't be part of the gift. I was just trying to show a few different uses. I can send other pictures if you want to see more.
Unknown:
No, that's ok. I think it looks really comfie. So you don't like the block words idea?
Eli:
You can go to football games in them, do grocery shopping, wear them around when all of your clothes are wet, read books, etc.
Unknown:
Yeah, they seem really cool. But she probably wouldn't do that kind of stuff in one . . .
Eli:
Well obviously she would have to tie it in the back so it wouldn't fall off. Especially if she didn't wear any clothes under it.
Unknown:
Alright. So you aren't interested in my block word idea?
Eli:
It's not that I don't like it. It's just that, when I was a kid my grandma used to always give me books for Christmas and I was always like, "thanks grandma. Now I have to read to enjoy your gift." You get me? Plus who has time for that?
Unknown:
But you understand the blocks are just one word. Like it would just be a block that says "Faith" or something.
Eli:
Oooooohhhhhh. So like a whole bunch of them that you move around to make funny sentences like word magnets on fridges that say stuff like, "I don't want no bunny banana frog ok no way!"
Unknown:
? No. Like, it's just the one word and you put it on a shelf or something.
Eli:
So we would have to get them a shelf too?
Unknown:
No . . . Ok, so you're not crazy about my idea. Do you have any others, other than the snuggie idea?
Eli:
What about garden gnomes?
Unknown:
Well they don't have a yard . . .
Eli:
Oh. What about a couple of chickens! Ok, hear me out on this. When I was a kid my parents had a chicken coop and we called one of the chickens the Queen of Colors because she was really colorful but one day her legs got stuck in my sister's hair so they had to cut the chicken out.
Unknown:
I don't think they would appreciate live animals.
Eli:
You're missing the point! The Queen of Colors got stuck in her hair! You have no idea what that put her through. Everyone called her "chicken head" until she lost her eye in a rubber band fight with her sponsor and they all started calling her "one-eyed-Wendy." But she's so much stronger for it.
Unknown:
I'll just do my own thing and you can do whatever you want. Ok?


Eli: (then Eli sends the texter-Jane a picture of himself without the mask)




Unknown: (Many hours later)
Who is this?


Eli:
Eli.


Unknown:
And why did you keep texting me when you knew I had the wrong number?


Eli: (Eli gives her a silly grin)





~It Just Gets Stranger

Posted by ELI at 6:58 PM 

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Labels: Emails, Ridiculous, The Siblings

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Good Friends are Great Gifts to Ones Self


This is my friend Becki. She is magnificent. She is a good wife and mom, a dear friend,
and a true Christ-like daughter of our Heavenly Father. I admire this woman.

It's Officially The Holiday Season


Ron made our neighbors happy. He put up our Christmas lights yesterday. It was a sunny, warm, 60* day. Just right for putting up Christmas lights. And with only a week to go til Christmas... Hey, better late than never, right? Snow would enhance the look, but I'm good with no snow! Thanks honey, you did a great job!


Saturday, December 17, 2011

A letter from Erin Brockovich? Really??

Some people lead double lives. My husband is not one of them. In his profession he could very easily have a split personality...a wolverine/lion/vulture in the courtroom and a much kinder, gentler persona at home. I've seen Ron in action several times on the job. He is brilliant. He is the same man you see in front of a jury as he is in front of a congregation at church. I think that is what makes him so darn attractive to me  successful and respected in his profession, even by apposing attorneys. He recently had a case where he had to defend a county employee for doing his job against a family whose religious beliefs didn't want the county employee to do his job. This family petitioned everybody they knew, literally, from the East coast to the West to contact Ron with their plea's, threats and opinions on the matter. He even received a letter from Erin Brockovich -not Julia Roberts, >HA! he wishes!< but the real Erin Brockovich expressing her opinion on the case. He takes it all in stride. While I'm all about turning into the Tazmanian Devil, and telling people how foolish and uninformed (I actually used the words stupid and ignorant), Ron deals with it much more diplomatically. I guess that's why he's the lawyer and I'm not. What a great example my husband is to me.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

I'm Dreaming of an Old Christmas

I love Christmas time. I love the music, the food, the lights, and the smell of a fresh Christmas tree. As a child I would dream of having the perfect Christmas tree. A perfect 'A' shape with just the right amount of flocking, twinkly white lights, and ornaments that all matched, or at least had a theme. But the kind of tree we always got was the cheap, misshapen,"Charlie Brown" kind that leaned against the fence at the tree lot. Every year we got the same kind, but that didn't stop my parents from driving to every tree lot in town to find "just the right one", while we kids froze our nose, toes, and fingers off. Really, who were they trying to kid? I knew the kind of tree we'd end up with, and I'm pretty sure they knew too. Almost everytime we'd bring the tree home and have to cut 2 feet off the trunk (ala Clark Griswold). Did they not remember that we still only had 8 foot ceilings, just like the year before and the year before that? Of course they did. Mom would say "we have to cut a little off to keep it fresh". Then they'd screw it into the tree stand that held a thimbleful of water, but never held the tree truly straight. The first thing on would be the lights....not the twinkly white lights, but the big, nightlight size bulbs. And they weren't white, they were every color of the rainbow including blue and orange. Really? Then the ornaments...no "theme", just one of everything that each of my six siblings and I had made from kindergarten through Jr. High, perhaps. Glass balls of every color and small bells made of bone china with little angels painted on them. Lastly, the dreaded tinsel...."icecicles" that would static cling on to you as you walked by the tree. Yes, our tree was really something. And you know what? I'd give anything to be transported back in time to share just one more Christmas with my parents and brothers and sisters decorating that "ugly" tree. I'd understand that my parents were creating family time by driving from tree lot to tree lot, looking at all the fancy houses with pretty lights. I'd appreciate the deliciousness of the cocoa my mom made from scratch while we decorated our tree. I'd listen more closely to the stories of Christmas's past and who made each of the decorations that adorned our tree year after year. I'd live in that moment, rather than dream of a life I didn't live. My grown-up self would understand that  "...Christmas doesn't come from a store. Maybe Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more!" I can't go back in time, but I can thank my Heavenly Father for giving me the life I've had. I appreciate every experience, both happy and heartbreaking, that has lead me to where I am. I am blessed.